Connection is a two-way exchange of attention and energy. It is an ability to give attention to others and receive attention from others. When you actually connect, you experience an exchange of human energy that feels good emotionally and physically. No matter who you are or what you do, the ability to connect is an essential ingredient to success in speaking and in life. The ability to make connection easily opens all kinds of possibilities – for creating relationships, for sales and doing business, for leading groups, teams, families and for influencing family friends, clients and co-workers.
At The Self-Expression Center in Houston, we teach a core concept called “receiving the flow of attention from others.” Receiving the flow of attention from others makes connection with other people easy. Everyone knows that they should make eye contact when they speak, but not many people feel comfortable making deep connection…so they will glance toward others… and not really connect, not really see individuals and not allow themselves to be seen.
I discovered a way to use your eyes that makes it feel safer to connect with individuals and groups. I call it a soft eye focus or soft eyes. In soft eye focus, you let your eyes go slightly unfocused and soft. Land your eyes gently on one person at a time, and imagine you drink them in through your eyes. Simply allow the energy of others to come into you and receive the impression of them, kind of like being a piece of photographic paper. Using soft-eye contact while speaking in front of groups helps minimize fear of public speaking because it causes you to see with the eyes of love. You see people with acceptance rather than with judgment. That feels safer and creates a heart connection with others. And it also has the effect of causing you to feel more connected to yourself and to Spirit because it is an act of sharing spiritual energy. The more you connect through soft eye contact, the more comfortable you feel in the world and in front of others.
